VanhelgaSvartsint ömhet

Sa foraldrad men anda ung
men samtidigt sa latt
sa lugn
anda sa betyngd
bekymrad
upprymd
besvarad....
Om jag ens orkat
hade jag knarkat varje dag
med en dum hora
eller varfor inte mig sjalv
som enda sallskap,
missbruk som om
det vore mitt enda tidsfordriv
sinnessjukt
Jag ar ingen skadespelare
men med sjalvdestruktivitet
som grundpelare
kan jag inte sluta leka arga leken
med en rostig morakniv
i en nedslackt lagenhet
kvall efter kvall
dit hoppet kommit for att forsvinna
dit jag forsupen kommit for att glomma
Varje andetag kanns sa menlosa
Varje ord kanns sa tomma
sa meningslosa
sa dumma
Vet du ens vad dedikation innebar?
Var tanke drar mig
mot min egen forintelse
Fan, det verkligen tar
Vad hande egentligen igar?
Fan, jag minns inte langre...
Vad kommer handa sen?
Lat mig fa slippa
detta kroppsliga fangelse
en gang for alla
lat mig bara fa glomma
Jag vill anda inte vakna
Karleken gor mig inte langre nagot gott
sa snalla, det ar dags att ge efter
for vad som kallar
jag expanderar, vaxer
bortom denna tomma varld

[English translation:]

[Envious Soreness]

So outdated but still young
But still so light
So calm
Still so strained
Worried
In high spirits
Troubled....
If I had the energy
I would have drugged myself every day
With a stupid whore
Or why not myself
As only company,
Misuse as
It was my only pastime
Crazy
I'm no harmer
But with self-destructivity
As a cornerstone
I cannot stop playing this angry game
With a rusty Moraknife
In a darkened apartment
Night after night
Where hope came to disappear
Where I drunken came to forget
Every breath feels so meaningless
Every word feels so empty
So meaningless
So stupid
Do you even know what dedication mean?
Every thought pulls me
Towards my own annihilation
Fuck, it really depletes me
What even happened yesterday?
Fuck, I can't remember anymore…
What is going to happen now?
Let me avoid this
This prison of my body
Once in for all
Let me just forget
I don't wanna wake up yet
Love can no longer give me anything good
So dear, it's time to give in
For what's calling me
I expand, grow
Beyond this empty world