A Breath Beyond BrokenKept Myself Awake

i've been racing this clock all night
the efforts there but nothing feels right
if i can make myself believe it, i can make myself believe
it'll be worth the pain one day

in a made up world, chasing my own dreams
if i could find out what they were
our stories end in the in-between
balance happiness and false misery,
regurgitate monotony

i've been praying for ways to make this anxiety subside
i haven't heard an answer i'm not sure what these hands are waiting for

and my hollow heart
wants you to know
if you love something
you should let it grow
because these flowers bloom
in the strangest ways
but we are scared of them
and we will never stay
and if i could just stay in my own head
for the rest of my days, the rest of my days
i could write a book
on how we're supposed to live
name it regret, and bury myself with it

restless depression i'm seeking recession
you know i'm good for it you know i'll be back soon
you always were so right about me
i knock on wood to fake this heartbeat
i never wanted more than the chance to hold myself up
in the face of doubt, doubt was always there
i cant say i never cared but i lost it somewhere, i lost it somewhere

i will remain afloat catching breaths of air
in this ocean of identity
i will live on as a host
to these dreams i never wrote
jumping fences, hanging ropes
i wish i did but ill never know
how to care for anyone except myself
i can't support you
i apologize